Well, I’m back.  We took a bit of a break  It was originally intended to be just one month, but then I got my period on the Saturday before Presidents’ Day and the RE clinic was closed until after my day 3 deadline to start Clomid for this cycle.

We’re playing the waiting game right no.  It’s CD 20 of cycle 42.  Cycle 42.  *sigh*  I’ll let ya know what happens as it comes up.

Officially out of the race.  Thanks for the support everyone.

So following the information on Pee On A Stick, you can sometimes use an ovulation predictor kit as a home pregnancy test. I decided to dig under the sink for an ovulation test and just *see* what happened. Of course, the only one I have left is a dollar store test that expired in October. But what the hay…I’ll give it a try. And unfortunately, it’s nothing. Not a line. Not a speck. After it was completely through the testing window of ten minutes, there is a very light line there, but according to Pee On A Stick, it has to be darker than the control line to mean anything. So yep. Most likely negative.

EDITED TO INCLUDE***  I’m definitely not counting myself out of the ball game yet for a couple of reasons.  (1) The test was taken with mid-afternoon urine and upon further research HCG is highest in your first morning urine, so that could have effected the result.  (2) The test was expired.  (3) It was an OPK and really, nothing can be considered final until I have an HPT in hand and a beta result in my ear!  I’ll post more in the next few days as I find out what the dealio is.  Boobs are still sore as of 7:15 Monday night and still no sign of AF.

This is my brain on infertility, specifically during the two-week-wait, specifically the day before my period is due.

8:30 am- Ah, stretch.  Coffee.  Grumble.  Oh wow. 13 days.   Wow.  should have my period tomorrow.  Yup.   Should probably go to the market to pick up pads.

10:15 am-  Shit.  Did I just get dizzy when I bent over to wrap up the vacuum cord?  And why the hell am I so irritable?  Could it possibly be….?

12:00 pm-  That was a cramp.  Damnit.  That was a cramp.

12:02 pm-  Oops.  Gas.  No need to panic.

2:00 pm- I’m starving!  I should eat something.  Why in the world am I so hungry?  Pregnant!  Oh yea…. I missed breakfast.

3:30 pm- I’m gonna check online to see when my due date would be….just in case.

3:50 pm- I am so jinxing myself.  No way I’m pregnant now.  I’m putting too much thought into it.

6:00 pm- *while pressing boobs through shirt* They sure don’t seem all that tender.  I can’t possibly be pregnant if my boobs aren’t more tender than this.

6:07 pm- Jer and I had sex this week.  We probably dislodged anything that could have possibly been going on.  It’s all my fault.  Why the heck couldn’t I wait a week or two for that?  Ugh.

6:09 pm-  Or maybe it was my bath.  Too hot.  Obviously that is why I didn’t conceive this month.

6:13 pm- Or fish.  I ate fish this week.  I better check on the internet and make sure fish doesn’t cause early miscarriage or difficulty conceiving.

8:55 pm-  Yikes.  I have to use the restroom.  I *never* have to use the bathroom at this time of night.  I bet I’m getting my period.  I always get gassy before my period.  Yep.  I have to be.  Damnit.

9:00 pm- Do green beans cause gas and assist with “production” in that area?  Time for Dr. Google.

Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat.  Until…..

11:00 pm- Must repeat sleeping mantra.  Baby. Baby. Baby.  Out of my hands.  Out of my hands.  Out of my hands.  (until I fall asleep about two hours later)

CD 29

13 dpiui

So no period yet.  No cramps.  But I still have another day to wait.  Today hasn’t been TOO bad, but  had an incredibly hard time sleeping last night.  My brain just would not shut off.

I was initially planning on a taking an HPT tomorrow, but I think I will wait until Tuesday morning.

That is all.

 CD 28
12 dpiui

So any day now we should know.  Unfortunately, I’m not feeling any different than I usually do at this time in my cycle.  I’ve just about given up hope for this cycle.  My LP (time between ovulation and the next cycle) is pretty consistently 14 days, so we should know by Monday at the latest if I’m going to get my period.

I hate this feeling of losing hope.  But I think I am.  Next cycle is half way through our insurance paid IUIs and we’ll definitely keep going until we run out of options.  So four more inseminations at the very least.  But I’m just losing hope.  I’m feeling like none of this is going to work and that we’ll have gone through all of this stress and worry and medication for nothing.  And then we’ll have to deal with the ramifications of how this has effected our relationship with no giggling/screaming/laughing/crying pudgy little face to look at and say, “That is what this was all for and it was worth it”.

CD 21

5 dpiui

It always strikes me as strange how much each cycle can be different.  During IUI  #1, on 5 dpiui, I think I must have had the flu, because I was already feeling all crampy and  tired. When it really comes down to it, I think I was just imagining it all.  I want so much to be pregnant that it becomes increasingly easy for me to convince myself I “feel” pregnant.

This month, I feel completely normal.  Totally and completely normal.  5 days down, 12 to go.

CD 18

2 DPIUI

We love waiting.  We love waiting.  Yes, we do.  yes, we do.  How we love the two-week wait.  How we love the two-week wait. Come on BFP.  Come on BFP.

It’s like girl scout camp for infertiles.  You can sing that one in a round around the campfire.   It’s a lovely little ditty, isn’t it?

The insemination went well.  Poor darling Jer had to contend with the spankatorium of doom again.  Same closet with one chair and a sink, but this time the clinic left a magazine.   WITH A PICTURE OF BILLY GRAHAM on the cover!  Talk about a mood killer!  But all went well and the lab tech said the sample looked great.  I had alot more cramping this cycle than with the previous one.  I’m not sure if she bumped the inside of my uterus or what, but I cramped most of the night on Monday and part of the day on Tuesday.

So, now we wait.  Testing day will be January 17, if  my period doesn’t show up by then.  I’m sure I’ll update regularly with all my crazy phantom symptoms!

CD 16

Ding Ding Ding!  Ovulation!

Looks like last month was a fluke.  AND we have a New Year’s Eve ovulation!  Fun!

I called Dr K this morning immediately and have to be there at 10:30 for the insemination. Jer has already left to go do his bit and I’ll be leaving in a half an hour or so for my part.

I’ll touch base later today after the swimmers are all settled in and doing their part!

CD 8

Ah, lovely day 8.  I finished up this months clo*mid last night.  So, now we wait.  According to the doctor, if I’m going to ovulate, it will happen within five to nine days.  So, next weekend.  It would be kind of neat to wait to ovulate until the 31st.  A New year’s eve conception.   No matter what we should know by Jer’s birthday on the 9th, which will be interesting.  Atlest we have the holiday week to distract me while I’m waiting to ovulate.

Today is TONS of crafting and finishing up last minute gifts and baking.  I don’t think I will ever want to knit another slipper again, as by the end of tomorrow I will have knitted over 10 pairs in the last few weeks.  But the cookie decorating is always a joy and Ash had alot of fun dipping pretzels in melted chocolate bark to make his gifts for everyone.  Maybe this homemade holiday is the way to go…